Some caregivers do it for decades. A mother caring for a grown son with severe autism. A husband caring for his wife after a stroke. A sister caring for a brother with Down syndrome after their parents died. The care never stops, the years go by, and friends slowly drift away. Many caregivers say they feel invisible, tired and alone, even when they love the person they care for deeply. Most of us do not think to ask.
Jesus once told a story at a dinner party about who gets invited.
Who to invite
Jesus was a guest at a meal in the home of a leading Pharisee. He noticed how the guests picked the best seats. Then he turned to the man who had invited him and said something that must have surprised everyone at the table.
The Gospel of Luke, one of the four accounts of Jesus's life, records it.
But when thou makest a feast, call the poor, the maimed, the lame, the blind:
Luke 14:13 · King James VersionThe original Greek
ἀλλʼ ὅταν δοχὴν ποιῇς, κάλει πτωχούς, ἀναπείρους, χωλούς, τυφλούς·
Found in Papyrus 75 (about AD 200), Codex Vaticanus (about AD 325), Codex Sinaiticus (about AD 350).
Do not only invite your friends and rich neighbors, he said, who can invite you back. Invite the people who are usually left out. Then he said you would be blessed, because they cannot pay you back.
People with disabilities, and the people who care for them, are often left off the guest list. Jesus put them at the top.
Ways to help
Give the caregiver real rest. Learn what care is needed, then offer a few hours so they can sleep, see a doctor, or simply be alone. Respite is often the gift they need most.
Help with ordinary tasks. Groceries, yard work, house repairs, a meal on a hard week.
Invite both of them. To dinner, to church events, to a picnic. Ask what would make it easier: a ramp, a quiet room, a certain time of day.
Talk to the disabled adult, not only about them. Speak to them directly, by name, with respect.
Ask about the caregiver's life. They are a person too, with interests and worries beyond caregiving.
Help with paperwork. Benefits, insurance and services can be overwhelming. Sitting with them to fill out forms helps.
Think ahead with them. Many aging parent caregivers worry about who will care for their child when they cannot. Listening to that worry matters.
A seat at the table
Jesus said the people who are usually left out should be the first ones invited. If you know a caregiver and the person they care for, you can make sure they both have a place at your table.