Parents of a disabled child carry a lot. Therapies, appointments, paperwork, sleepless nights, and the constant work of making sure their child is safe and included. Many say the hardest part is not the disability. It is feeling alone, and sometimes feeling judged, even at church.
Jesus answered the question many of these families have been asked.
Who sinned?
Jesus and his followers were walking in Jerusalem when they passed a man who had been blind since he was born. His friends asked a question that many people in that time would have asked: whose fault was it? Did this man sin, or did his parents, so that he was born blind?
The Gospel of John, one of the four accounts of Jesus's life, recorded Jesus's answer.
Jesus answered, Neither hath this man sinned, nor his parents: but that the works of God should be made manifest in him.
John 9:3 · King James VersionThe original Greek
ἀπεκρίθη Ἰησοῦς· Οὔτε οὗτος ἥμαρτεν οὔτε οἱ γονεῖς αὐτοῦ, ἀλλʼ ἵνα φανερωθῇ τὰ ἔργα τοῦ θεοῦ ἐν αὐτῷ.
Found in Papyrus 66 (about AD 200), Papyrus 75 (about AD 200), Codex Vaticanus (about AD 325), Codex Sinaiticus (about AD 350).
Neither. Not him. Not his parents. People read the second half of his answer in different ways. The first half is plain: Jesus refused the blame his friends assumed. Then he knelt down, made mud, and healed the man.
We cannot heal like that. But the first thing Jesus did, any of us can do. He refused to blame anyone.
Ways to help
Never hint at blame. Do not ask what they did, or suggest more faith would fix it. Jesus said no to that.
Get to know their child. Learn their name, what they love and how they communicate. Treat them as a person, not a problem.
Offer real respite. Learn how to care for their child safely, then offer a few hours so the parents can rest, go on a date or spend time with their other kids.
Help with the ordinary. Meals, errands, rides to therapy, mowing the lawn.
Make room at church. A buddy for Sunday school, a quiet space, a ramp, or a pastor who welcomes noise can be the difference between a family coming back or staying home.
Remember the siblings. Brothers and sisters often get less attention. An outing just for them means a lot.
Ask, then listen. Every family is different. "What would help most right now?" is a good question.
Not anyone's fault
Many of these families have heard, out loud or in someone's look, that this must be somebody's fault. Jesus said no. If you know a family like this, you can say the same thing with your welcome, your help and your time.