Watching a parent get older is hard. The person who once took care of you now needs help with groceries, pills, doctors and stairs. Many of us feel tired, guilty that we cannot do more, and sad watching them change.
There is a moment in Jesus's last hours that speaks to this.
At the foot of the cross
Jesus was nailed to a cross, dying. Most of his friends had run away. But a few people stayed close. One was his mother, a woman named Mary. Another was a follower the Bible calls the disciple whom Jesus loved, one of his closest friends.
Jesus was in terrible pain. He could have thought only about himself. Instead, he looked down and thought about his mother. Who would take care of her now?
The Gospel of John, one of the four accounts of Jesus's life, tells us what Jesus said.
When Jesus therefore saw his mother, and the disciple standing by, whom he loved, he saith unto his mother, Woman, behold thy son! Then saith he to the disciple, Behold thy mother! And from that hour that disciple took her unto his own home.
John 19:26-27 · King James VersionThe original Greek
Ἰησοῦς οὖν ἰδὼν τὴν μητέρα καὶ τὸν μαθητὴν παρεστῶτα ὃν ἠγάπα λέγει τῇ μητρί· Γύναι, ἴδε ὁ υἱός σου· εἶτα λέγει τῷ μαθητῇ· Ἴδε ἡ μήτηρ σου. καὶ ἀπʼ ἐκείνης τῆς ὥρας ἔλαβεν ὁ μαθητὴς αὐτὴν εἰς τὰ ἴδια.
Found in Codex Vaticanus (about AD 325), Codex Sinaiticus (about AD 350).
He gave his mother a son to look after her, and gave his friend a mother. And from that day on, the friend took her into his home.
Ways to help
Share the load. Make a list of what needs doing and ask brothers, sisters, cousins and church friends to take pieces of it.
Keep their dignity. Let your parent make the choices they still can. Ask before you take over.
Make the house safe. Grab bars, good lighting, no loose rugs. Small changes prevent falls.
Keep a simple record. Their medicines, doctors and appointments in one place you can find fast.
Visit just to visit. Not every visit has to be a chore. Sit, look at old photos, listen to their stories.
Take care of yourself. Caregivers get exhausted. Accept help when it is offered, and take a break without feeling guilty.
You are doing a loving thing
If you feel like you are never doing enough, you are probably doing more than you know. Even Jesus did not care for his mother alone. He asked a friend to help. You are allowed to ask too.