Watching your child struggle is one of the hardest things a parent can go through. Maybe they have gone quiet. Maybe they are angry all the time, or sad, or failing at school. You lie awake wondering what is wrong and what you did.
There is one story about Jesus as a teenager, and it shows that even his parents had a frightening week.
Lost in Jerusalem
Every year, Jesus's family traveled to Jerusalem for the Passover festival. When Jesus was twelve, they went as usual. Afterward, Mary and Joseph, his mother and the man who raised him, started home with a big group of relatives and friends.
They walked a whole day before they realized Jesus was not with the group. They thought he was with cousins. He was not.
They went back to Jerusalem and searched for three days.
His mother's words
They finally found him in the temple, sitting with the teachers, listening and asking questions. The Gospel of Luke, one of the four accounts of Jesus's life, tells us what his mother said.
And when they saw him, they were amazed: and his mother said unto him, Son, why hast thou thus dealt with us? behold, thy father and I have sought thee sorrowing.
Luke 2:48 · King James VersionThe original Greek
καὶ ἰδόντες αὐτὸν ἐξεπλάγησαν, καὶ εἶπεν πρὸς αὐτὸν ἡ μήτηρ αὐτοῦ· Τέκνον, τί ἐποίησας ἡμῖν οὕτως; ἰδοὺ ὁ πατήρ σου καὶ ἐγὼ ὀδυνώμενοι ἐζητοῦμέν σε.
Found in Codex Vaticanus (about AD 325), Codex Sinaiticus (about AD 350).
"Sorrowing" means in deep pain. They had been frightened out of their minds. Jesus answered that they should have known he would be in his Father's house. Luke says they did not understand what he meant.
Then he went home with them, and Luke says Mary kept all these things in her heart.
Ways to help
Listen more than you talk. Car rides and late nights are often when teens open up. Let them finish before you respond.
Stay connected. Eat together. Show up to their things. Keep asking about their world, even when the answers are short.
Know the warning signs. Big changes in sleep, eating, friends, grades, or talk of hopelessness are worth taking seriously.
Get help early. A doctor, counselor or school counselor can help. If you think your teen may hurt themselves, call or text 988 in the United States, right away.
Ask other adults to help. A coach, aunt, youth leader or family friend can reach a teen in ways a parent sometimes cannot.
Take care of yourself. You cannot carry this alone. Talk to someone you trust.
Even they did not understand
Mary and Joseph searched for three days and still did not understand their son. Feeling lost is part of loving a child. Keep loving, keep looking, and keep your teen close in your heart, the way Mary did.