A pastor's family lives in a strange place. Everyone knows them, but few people really know them. Their phone rings at dinner. Their holidays are workdays. Their children are watched more closely than other kids. Many pastors and their spouses say they feel lonely, even in a full church. Most of us have never stopped to ask how they are doing.
There is a short moment in the Gospel of Mark that shows the pressure on Jesus's own family.
No time to eat
Jesus had become well known. Crowds followed him everywhere. One day he went into a house, and the crowd came pressing in again.
And the multitude cometh together again, so that they could not so much as eat bread.
Mark 3:20 · King James VersionThe original Greek
Καὶ ἔρχεται εἰς οἶκον· καὶ συνέρχεται πάλιν ὁ ὄχλος, ὥστε μὴ δύνασθαι αὐτοὺς μηδὲ ἄρτον φαγεῖν.
Found in Codex Vaticanus (about AD 325), Codex Sinaiticus (about AD 350).
They could not even eat. The very next line says his family heard what was happening and set out to take charge of him, because people were saying he was out of his mind.
The Gospel of Mark keeps this hard detail. Jesus's own family was worried and confused by the demands on him. The pressure of serving crowds reached his home.
Ways to help
Protect their day off. Do not call or text on their rest day unless it is a real emergency.
Be a friend, not a customer. Invite them for dinner and talk about anything except church.
Let their kids be kids. Do not expect perfect behavior from the pastor's children. Do not report their mistakes to their parents in front of others.
Remember the spouse. The pastor's husband or wife has their own life and calling. Ask about them as a person.
Bring meals during hard seasons. Funerals, holidays and crises in the church fall hardest on the pastor's home.
Say thank you, specifically. Tell them about a sermon, visit or kindness that helped you.
Bring concerns kindly and privately. Criticism in public or by angry email weighs heavily on the whole family.
Pray for them by name. And tell them you are doing it.
They need a church too
The people who care for everyone else often have no one caring for them. You can change that for your pastor's family with ordinary friendship. A dinner invitation with no agenda may be the kindest thing they receive all year.