When a husband or wife dies, the house goes quiet. There is one coffee cup instead of two. Nobody to tell about your day. Friends come at first, and then, a few weeks later, most of them stop calling. Many widows and widowers say the loneliest time is after everyone else has moved on. Most of us mean to keep calling. We just forget.
Luke tells a short story about a widow that is easy to miss.
Anna at the temple
When Jesus was a baby, Mary and Joseph, his mother and the man who raised him, brought him to the temple in Jerusalem, as their law asked parents to do with a firstborn son.
An old woman named Anna was there. Luke says she was a prophet, someone who spoke for God. She had been married only seven years when her husband died.
And she was a widow of about fourscore and four years, which departed not from the temple, but served God with fastings and prayers night and day.
Luke 2:37 · King James VersionThe original Greek
καὶ αὐτὴ χήρα ἕως ἐτῶν ὀγδοήκοντα τεσσάρων,) ἣ οὐκ ἀφίστατο τοῦ ἱεροῦ νηστείαις καὶ δεήσεσιν λατρεύουσα νύκτα καὶ ἡμέραν.
Found in Codex Vaticanus (about AD 325), Codex Sinaiticus (about AD 350).
The Greek can mean she was eighty-four, or that she had been a widow for eighty-four years. Scholars read it both ways.
"Fourscore and four" means eighty-four. She had lived alone a very long time. But she was not forgotten or useless. She came every day. And when she saw the baby, she recognized who he was. She thanked God and told everyone who was waiting for good news.
One of the first people to tell others about Jesus was an old widow.
Ways to help
Keep calling after the funeral. The second and third months are often harder than the first week. Put a reminder in your phone.
Say their spouse's name. Many widows and widowers want to talk about the person they lost. Let them.
Help with practical things. Paperwork, bills, repairs, yard work, or the jobs the spouse used to do.
Invite them in. Holidays, birthdays and Sunday lunches are especially hard. Ask them to join you.
Sit with them at church. Walking in alone can be painful.
Remember the hard dates. Their anniversary, their spouse's birthday, and the anniversary of the death.
Ask for their help too. Their advice, their recipe, their stories. Like Anna, they still have much to give.
Still part of the story
Anna was old, alone and easy to overlook. Luke made sure she was remembered. If you know a widow or widower, you can make sure they are not forgotten either. A phone call this week is a good start.