A cancer diagnosis changes everything at once. Appointments, scans, treatments, waiting rooms, bills. Your friend may be scared, worn out and sick from the treatment itself. And you may be scared too, unsure what to say or how to help. Many of us have felt that fear and stayed away, and later wished we had gone.
There is a story about four friends who would not stop.
The crowded house
Jesus was back in the town of Capernaum, by the lake, staying at a house. Word got out, and so many people crowded in that there was no room left, not even outside the door.
Four men came carrying a friend on a mat. He was paralyzed. He could not get there on his own.
They could not get through the crowd. Most people would have given up and gone home.
Through the roof
The Gospel of Mark, one of the four accounts of Jesus's life, tells us what they did.
And when they could not come nigh unto him for the press, they uncovered the roof where he was: and when they had broken it up, they let down the bed wherein the sick of the palsy lay.
Mark 2:4 · King James VersionThe original Greek
καὶ μὴ δυνάμενοι προσενέγκαι αὐτῷ διὰ τὸν ὄχλον ἀπεστέγασαν τὴν στέγην ὅπου ἦν, καὶ ἐξορύξαντες χαλῶσι τὸν κράβαττον ὅπου ὁ παραλυτικὸς κατέκειτο.
Found in Codex Vaticanus (about AD 325), Codex Sinaiticus (about AD 350).
Roofs in that town were flat, made of beams covered with branches and packed mud. The friends climbed up, dug a hole big enough for a man, and lowered him down on ropes, right in front of Jesus.
Mark says that when Jesus saw their faith, he spoke to the man. Their faith. The friends who carried him were part of the story.
Ways to help
Offer rides. Getting to treatment is hard, especially when someone feels sick afterward. A regular ride is a big gift.
Bring food they can eat. Treatment can change how food tastes. Ask what sounds good, and keep it simple.
Handle the ordinary jobs. Laundry, lawn, groceries, school pickups, the pharmacy.
Let them talk, or not. Some days they want to talk about cancer. Some days they want to talk about anything else. Follow their lead.
Do not share scary stories. Skip the stories about someone else who had the same cancer.
Help the family too. Spouses, children and caregivers are carrying a lot.
Stay for the long haul. Treatment can go on for months. Most help comes at the start and then fades.
Be one of the four
You cannot cure your friend. Neither could those four men. What they could do was carry him, and refuse to quit when the door was blocked. That is something you can do, one ride and one meal at a time. Your friend will feel that love, even on the days they are too tired to say so.