Divorce is one of the most painful things a person can go through. A home splits in two. Friends take sides. Children get caught in the middle. And many divorced Christians say the hardest part was feeling judged at church, right when they needed help most.
There is a story about a woman with a painful past, and how Jesus treated her.
The woman at the well
Jesus was resting by a well in Samaria, a region whose people did not get along with his own. A woman from the nearby town came at noon to get water, in the heat of the day, when nobody else was there.
They started talking. And Jesus told her he knew she had been married five times, and that the man she was living with now was not her husband.
We do not know her whole story. In those days it was usually the husband who could end a marriage. Some of her husbands may have died. Some may have left her. The Bible does not say.
What it does say is that Jesus did not shame her. He kept talking with her. He told her about God, and about what he called living water, which he said would mean she would never be thirsty again.
She ran to tell them
The woman left her water jar at the well and ran back into town.
Come, see a man, which told me all things that ever I did: is not this the Christ?
John 4:29 · King James VersionThe original Greek
Δεῦτε ἴδετε ἄνθρωπον ὃς εἶπέ μοι πάντα ὅσα ἐποίησα· μήτι οὗτός ἐστιν ὁ χριστός;
Found in Papyrus 66 (about AD 200), Papyrus 75 (about AD 200), Codex Vaticanus (about AD 325), Codex Sinaiticus (about AD 350).
The man who knew everything she had done was the one she wanted everyone to meet. Being fully known did not make her hide. It made her run toward people.
Ways to help
Listen without picking a side. Your friend needs to talk. They do not need you to attack their ex.
Do not ask who was at fault. It is not your job, and it hurts.
Help with practical things. Moving boxes, meals, rides, watching the kids while they meet a lawyer.
Remember the hard days. Holidays, anniversaries and the first weekend without the kids are especially lonely.
Keep inviting them. Divorced people often lose couple friends. Include them.
Help them come back to church, if they want. Sit with them. Some feel too ashamed to walk in alone.
You can be the well
We Christians have often made divorced people feel like outsiders. We are sorry for that. Jesus sat with a woman everyone else avoided and treated her as worth his time. Your friend is worth yours.